I’m having that feeling lately that what I’m doing is “not enough.” For years, I’ve worked to achieve this life. This degree. This job. But now, as I’ve finally gained what I thought that I wanted it is just not enough.
Since I was a kid, I have always known that I wanted to be a teacher. I have all of the qualities that I thought I needed : smarts, leadership, a love of children. I got my degree and started to work last year. Those first few months, it was a dream come true. I had great kids that I loved to teach every day. I came home each afternoon and thought about what a great day I’d had. I went to work feeling energetic and optimistic.
This year has been different from day one. The bad days outnumber the good. I leave work each day and almost dread facing the next day. I feel like I’m not making a difference. I wonder to myself almost daily, “Is this it?” Is this really what I’ve worked for so long to achieve? I know that every first year teacher probably has these same thoughts from time to time, but I’m discouraged. I wish I could go back and tell my college self to buck up, because it’s tough out here in the trenches. I am holding on to those little moments of grace that I experience each day, because they are what make this job enough for now.